A visit to Japan never feels quite complete to me without at least one stay at a ryokan, a traditional Japanese inn. I have stayed in several over the years, and it’s a very different experience from checking into even a very good hotel.
The pace of the day changes the moment you walk through the doors.
That was what I was looking forward to when I arrived in Tottori, searching for my ryokan. But I had a small problem: my internet stopped working, which meant no electronic map guidance – leaving me wandering near where I hoped my ryokan was.
Apparently, my face did an excellent job of communicating all of that.
Near the ryokan, a gentleman outside noticed me and came over to see if he could help. He had no way of knowing whether I was a guest. I hadn’t checked in, introduced myself, or even made it through the front door. He simply saw someone who looked lost and responded – and I was so glad he did.
Just a few minutes later, I was at reception and checked in. After being shown my room, I was welcomed with tea, a local sweet, and a refreshing towel. And the frustration of feeling lost and without internet? Already fading.
That was the beginning of my Japanese ryokan experience in Tottori, and I didn’t yet realize the small details I was noticing would become what I remembered most.
What Staying at a Traditional Japanese Inn Is Really Like
For someone who has never stayed at a ryokan in Japan, it can be tempting to think of it simply as another type of accommodation. There is a room, a place to sleep, meals, and, often, a hot bath. Technically, all of that is true. But it misses what makes the experience so different.
After checking in, I was invited to choose a colorful yukata. A yukata is a lightweight cotton robe, less formal than a kimono, that is commonly worn around ryokan and hot-spring resorts. Guests are invited to remain in their yukata throughout their visit to feel more comfortable. Once mine was on, I was perfectly happy to leave it on.
My room had tatami flooring and a small sitting area overlooking a pond where I could watch koi swim. This ryokan also offered a private bath, which was a highlight. It’s one thing to soak in a hot bath during cold winter days, but I did wonder if voluntarily immersing myself in hot water after a long, hot summer day was irrational. It wasn’t – it felt wonderful.
Japanese bathing has its own rhythm. Don’t think of it as hopping into a bathtub. Washing and rinsing yourself thoroughly is part of the process before entering the hot bath, which is meant for soaking rather than washing. Even something as simple as getting into hot water becomes a process with a beginning, a middle, and an end.
And almost everything at a ryokan works this way.
It Was Never Just the Tea
Earlier, when tea had been brought into my room, the woman serving it stopped before stepping onto the tatami and removed her shoes. She carefully placed the tea in front of me and explained the sweet served alongside it. It wasn’t simply something sugary from the kitchen. It was a specialty of the area, and the way she described it made it clear that this was something she was proud to share.
What could have been a cup of tea and a snack became a small introduction to the town of Tottori.
Dinner followed the same pattern. Whenever I stay at a ryokan, I like to book breakfast and dinner with the room. I enjoy the food and the way dinner unfolds, rather than spending time searching for the right restaurant, comparing reviews, or checking for opening hours. At a ryokan, you simply arrive for dinner – in your yukata.
Instead of receiving a large dinner plate, dinner unfolds over time. Small dishes are served one after another, each carefully placed and explained. There is time to taste and savor each part of the meal before the next piece is served. The meal is meant to be experienced, not completed.
I ordered sake, and that too came from Tottori. It complemented the food and became another small connection to the place I was visiting.
No single dish made the dinner memorable. The way the entire evening flowed made it memorable.
Later, sitting in my yukata and watching the koi move through the pond outside my room, I found myself trying to identify exactly what makes staying at a ryokan feel so special to me. The obvious answers came first: the bath, the food, the tatami room, the yukata. I love all of them, but none of them explains the experience on its own.
Then it became obvious.
The ryokan wasn’t special because of one extraordinary thing.
It was the collection of rituals.
The gentleman noticing me outside. The shoes coming off before the tatami. The tea. The local sweet and the story behind it. Choosing the yukata. Washing before entering the bath. Dinner arriving course by course. The local sake. Sitting afterward with nowhere else I needed to be.
Each part was small. Together, they created something entirely different.
The Rituals We Never Meant to Create
What struck me was that none of those rituals at the ryokan were accidental. They all supported the experience a ryokan wants to create for its guests.
Rest.
Nobody needed to announce it. No sign told me to relax. The experience itself kept moving me in that direction. The pace was slower and intentional, with one small ritual building on the next until relaxing became considerably easier than continuing to rush.
In our lives, we too create rituals that define our experiences. The difference is that many of ours were never designed intentionally. They simply developed.
Think about what happens when someone asks you for something you don’t really want to do. The ritual begins long before you say yes.
The request arrives, and your first reaction may be, Not another thing. You feel the irritation almost immediately, but then another conversation begins in your head. It probably won’t take very long. They need the help. You don’t want to disappoint them. Saying no would require an explanation. It might be easier to just do it.
By the time you respond, what is happening inside and what the other person sees may have very little in common. You smile and say, “Of course. Happy to help.”
Later, you’re irritated because somebody else has taken another piece of your time.
From the outside, the problem seems to be the yes. But the yes was simply the last part of a familiar sequence.
That sequence is the ritual.
Repeated often enough, the individual steps stop standing out. You no longer notice the first reaction, the mental negotiation, the smile that covers the frustration, or the automatic agreement. You notice only the result: too little time, too much resentment, and the feeling that other people expect you to be available whenever they ask.
When the Result Isn’t What You Wanted
The same thing can happen in business. You may genuinely want to spend more time on the work that grows your business, yet a familiar sequence repeatedly pulls you somewhere else. You sit down to work on something important, notice an email that seems easy to answer, take care of one quick task and then another, and eventually decide either to set aside what you originally wanted to work on or push it to another time when you tell yourself you’ll have more time. Sound familiar?
Nothing dramatic happened. There was no single terrible decision.
But the ritual produced a result.
That is what we miss when we become frustrated with an area of our lives and immediately start looking for the big fix. We see the outcome and assume the solution must be equally large. We need better boundaries, better time management, more discipline, or an entirely new strategy.
Sometimes we do.
But sometimes the more useful question is not, What big thing needs to change?
It is, What sequence keeps bringing me here?
Creating Rituals on Purpose
The ryokan gives us another way to think about this because its rituals aren’t simply repeated behaviors. Every step is chosen to support a particular outcome.
- Rest came first.
- The rituals followed.
The order matters.
If what you want is more time for the things that matter to you, then the rituals surrounding your day deserve attention. If you want fewer resentful yeses, then what happens in the moments between receiving a request and responding to it matters. If something important in your business keeps getting pushed aside, it is worth noticing the small sequence that repeatedly takes its place.
All of our decisions have rituals – but few are created intentionally. Many rituals grew around us while we were busy doing everything else.
Once you can see them, you have a choice.
You can decide what you actually want the experience to be and begin creating rituals that support it.
What Are Your Rituals Creating?
The next morning, I found my breakfast already waiting for me and enjoyed the end of my restful stay. I changed out of my yukata, put my shoes back on, and walked outside to continue my trip.
I left feeling rested, which was exactly what I had wanted from the stay. But what really stood out for me was how deliberately that feeling had been created.
A traditional Japanese inn does not rely on one impressive gesture to create the experience. It happens through a series of small, thoughtful rituals that reinforce one another from the moment you arrive.
Our lives are filled with rituals too.
The question is whether the ones we have are creating the experience we actually want.
What area of your life or business keeps leading somewhere you don’t want it to?
Getting clear on the rituals creating your current results is an important step in creating a new outcome. Just as a ryokan is clear about the experience it wants its customers to have, get clear on the exact outcome you want (not the outcome you don’t!) and create new rituals that will get you there.
It is not about the one enormous change.
It is about creating intentional and different rituals.
And if you find it difficult to see the patterns that have become so familiar they no longer stand out, that is often where my work with clients begins. We look beneath the result, identify the sequences that keep recreating it, and build ways of working and responding that better support what actually matters to you.
Learn more about working with me and schedule a discovery call here.
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